About a week ago, I was lending an ear to a young lady going through the process of transitioning from brokenness to wholeness. On this particular day, she was having a hard time believing that she deserved to be made whole, and was ready to throw in the towel. “I want to give up” she said, “why is it so easy for me to believe for others, but so hard for me to believe for myself?”
She sounded just like me about a year ago. Ready to call it quits because I could not find the courage to believe that I deserved to be made whole and have an abundant, joyful life in Christ. Now I could freely encourage and believe for my fellow sisters, but when it came to me, not so much. But why not? Why couldn’t I have that same enthusiasm for myself?
I did not realize it then, but I now know that I simply could not get over myself. I could not see past my issues and struggles. I refused to look beyond my faults. I convinced myself that I could never be more than a woman filled with guilt and shame, and did not deserve redemption.
The adversary did not need to use anyone else to work against me because I had become my own worst enemy, fighting against myself. Whenever I would gain a small ounce of belief, I’d instantly diminish it with self-demeaning thoughts. I’d think to myself “Who are you kidding? You’ll never be more than what you are right now.” And to be perfectly honest, that’s exactly what I believed in my heart.
Because I could not see beyond what I was at that moment, I always felt less than. Because I felt that way, I always settled for less. I figured I didn’t deserve anything better than what was at the bottom of the barrel. Meaningless relationships, dead-end jobs…I mean I was lucky just to get leftovers, right? Absolutely not!
It took me a lot of praying, counseling, and finding myself through God’s word to realize that this was not the mentality God wanted me to have. Just as I did for others, He wanted me to believe that I, too, deserved to have a better life.
He wants the same for you.
No one knows your issues better than you. No one knows your secret struggles better than you. No one knows the depth of your pain better than you. So who better can the enemy use to fight against you? Yep, you guessed it – You. Today I encourage you to decide that no more will you allow the enemy to use you as his puppet.
Instead, allow God to erase the former things from the forefront of your mind, so that you can believe Him for the new thing He desires to do in you. (See Isaiah 43:18-19)
No one can believe for you. It’s one of those things we all have to learn to do for ourselves. Know this – Because of the grace and mercy of our God, and the blood of Jesus Christ that cleanses every blemish in our lives, we are deemed faultless in the eyes of Christ. See yourself through the eyes of Christ, and know that despite your past and present state, you are deserving of love, life, and liberty.
Here’s a simple prayer: Lord, help thou my unbelief. (Mark 9:24)
**Originally published 2/2011 in my column in EEW Magazine.**