Thankful Tuesday: My Personal Gratitude

I love the Thanksgiving Holiday!  It always puts me in a mindset of extreme gratefulness, and my heart has been bubbling over with gratitude these past few days.  I am especially appreciative this Thanksgiving, because the current season of my life has been quite difficult.

When my husband and I lost our baby at 14 weeks pregnant on September 11th, I thought there was no way I'd recover from such a trauma. I remember the numbness I felt while sitting in the examination room after seeing my sweet baby lying lifeless inside my womb.  I'll never forget that image...it tormented me in my sleep.  Every time I closed my eyes, it was only thing I saw...my sweet baby baby just lying there. The pain from such loss, the depression, and anxiety took me to such a low place that for weeks, most of my days were spent drowning in tears.

I felt helpless.

I felt hopeless.

I felt forsaken.

I felt weak.

I felt deep sorrow.

I felt empty.

I felt broken.

I couldn't eat.

I couldn't sleep.

I couldn't speak.

I couldn't pray.

I couldn't write.

I couldn't smile.

I couldn't interact with my family.

I descended deep into a pit of despair, and honestly began to believe that it was over for me.  Of all of the challenging situations I'd overcome, this one had knocked me completely off my feet.  My internal world was upside down...chaotic...nothing made sense.  If I'm truly honest, for a moment, I was angry with God.  I couldn't understand why He'd allow something so heartbreaking to happen.  I couldn't figure out what I'd done to deserve such pain.

No one knew my raw pain...no one saw my inner turmoil...no one witnessed my emotional breakdown.  No one.  But God.

When I hid the true depths of my pain from those who came to comfort and console me, He saw it all.  He felt it all.  He understood it all.

He took the mess that I'd become and cleaned it up.  He wiped my tears.  He calmed my fears.  He broke the forming chains of mental and emotional turmoil, and commanded me, His daughter, to rise up from the ashes.  He breathed breath into my lifeless soul, strengthened my buckling knees, mended my shattered heart, and rescued my crushed spirit.   He. Healed. Me.

Totally.

Completely.

Amazingly.

I stand today immeasurably stronger than I was almost three months ago. The pain did not destroy me, but it has propelled me further into my destiny.

I could have drowned.

I could have been consumed.

I could have lost my mind.

I could have...I should have...I would have...but because of God's grace, I didn't.  Praise God!

This is my personal gratitude.

Happy Thanksgiving!  What are you thankful for?

"Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus." 

1 Thessalonians 5:18, NLT~

Find the Lessons in the Pain

A few days ago, I took to my Facebook page to share my heart with my friends in regards to how I was feeling, as that particular day marked eight weeks after experiencing one of the most traumatic situations I’ve ever encountered.

Here’s what I posted:

It's been 2 months since the devastating loss of our sweet pea, and what a journey to restoration and healing it has been. I am grateful that the Lord's grace has sustained us through it all, and continues to be the glue that holds us together through all of life's unexpected changes. Though this has been a tough season for me, I would not trade it for the way I've grown closer to the Lord and increased in faith, strength, wisdom, and prayer. I've learned so much over the past two months - about life, God, myself, my marriage, purpose, grace, and the list goes on. I'll share a few with you...

1. There is no pain deeper than the power of God's ability to heal.
2. I am much stronger than I think.
3. Broken does not mean destroyed.
4. Struggle reveals the strength of a marriage.
5. I have an extremely amazing husband who adores me and deeply cares about my well-being.
6. Living in obedience to God's plan of purpose will sometimes lead you through the valley of the shadow of death, but you will not die. It's only a shadow, and is cast away by the light of God's love. His light will lead you through the valley.
7. The glory will far exceed the grief.
8. The Word of the Lord is a refreshing spring of living water that revitalizes a thirsting soul.
9. Though life may knock you down, with God, you'll rise again.
10. Your despair does not discount your destiny.

I continue to heal. God continues to shower me with grace. I continue to trust in Him. He continues to prove His faithfulness. The journey continues...

God is steadily restoring, rebuilding, and refreshing me as I journey on in recovering from the pain, loss, and heartache this season has brought upon my life.  Though I could’ve allowed myself to become bitter and angry with God, I choose to be brave and look deep into the pain to find the lessons and wisdom I can gain.  Furthermore, I’ve made the choice to apply those lessons to my life as I continue to move forward in fulfilling God’s purpose for me, and to share the wisdom I gain along the way with others.  For me, that’s what the current challenges of my life inspire me to do.  Click here to read the rest.

Follow this link to read my latest contribution to Womanhood With Purpose blog.

Grace & Peace!

xoxo

God Loves YOU

It's been a couple of months since I've blogged, but tonight I feel compelled to revisit and revise an old blog post to share with you.  It's a message about how God loves us so unconditionally, that even though He already knew we'd be imperfect people, He still chose us to be His children...His daughters.  Isn't it so comforting and refreshing to know that in spite of how flawed we may be, our Heavenly Father sees us as His perfect creation and loves us with an everlasting, ever-increasing, ever-faithful love?  I can't explain why He loves us so, but I'm mighty grateful that He does.  I pray that this ministers to your heart, and reminds you that despite your shortcomings, you are loved and chosen by God.

"Even before He made the world, God loved us and chose in Christ to be holy and without fault in His eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure."  

Ephesians 1:4-5 (NLT)

Long before the creation of the world, God knew you, He loved you, and He chose you.  Long before you were ever conceived in your mother's womb, the Lord loved you and chose you as His own.  He already knew about the mistakes you'd make, yet He loved you.  He already knew about the struggles you'd have, yet He still chose you. He already knew you'd slip up and fall down, yet it still gave Him great pleasure to love you and have you as His child.

I don't know who this is for, but know that God's love for you is not contingent upon how good you are, how pretty you are, how educated you are, how wealthy you are, or any other quality you may or may not possess...it is an unconditional, uncircumstantial, untainted, perfect love.  There's nothing you can do to gain it, and there's nothing you can do to lose it, because nothing can separate you from His love.  God loves you; in all of your imperfection, He chose you.  Why?  Simply because that's what He wanted to do.

Through the blood of His son Jesus Christ, He sees you faultless...a perfect reflection of Himself.  He loves you with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3).

In your pain...God loves you.

In your shame...God loves you.

In your insecurities...God loves you.

In your guilt...God loves you.

In your mistakes...God loves you.

In your brokenness...God loves you.

Embrace the Father's love for you. Enjoy the song posted below...

~May you live in His love.~

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xoxo
-LaKeisha Rainey-Collins



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Comfort & Assurance In God's Word

But now, O Jacob, listen to the Lord who created you.

O Israel, the one who formed you says,

“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.

I have called you by name; you are mine. 

When you go through deep waters,

I will be with you.

When you go through rivers of difficulty,

you will not drown.

When you walk through the fire of oppression,

you will not be burned up;

the flames will not consume you.

For I am the Lord, your God,

the Holy One of Israel, your Savior...you are precious to me.

You are honored, and I love you.

~Isaiah 43:1-3a,4b~

The Lord led me to this passage of scripture during the wee hours of the morning when sleep escaped me and all I could do was pour out my heart to Him through tears.

"Lord, help me.  I need to know that You will see me through this" I spoke outwardly through sobs.  I reached over to my nightstand, grabbed my New Living Translation Study Bible, and combed through its delicate pages, searching for words of comfort and assurance.

"Speak to my heart, God.  I need to hear from You", I pleaded with the Lord.  I was desperate to hear my Father's voice...longing to know that He hadn't forsaken me and left me to drown in my sorrow.  I needed to know that despite what He was taking me through, He still loved me.

Of all of the wonderful scriptures of comfort found in the pages of God's word, I felt as if my search for consolation was reaching a dead end.  Frustrated and feeling that God wasn't hearing my cry for help, I sat my Bible aside and began to cry uncontrollably, when all of a sudden I felt a light wave of wind and heard the pages of my Bible crinkling.  The coolness of the wind jolted me out of my outpour of tears, and when I looked up it was as if a light was shining on my Bible, specifically highlighting the first four verses of Isaiah 43.

It was so odd, because the position of the lamp on my nightstand was no where near close enough to my Bible to provide such light, and the slow rotation of my ceiling fan was not strong enough to give off such a breeze.

Simultaneously puzzled and curious, I picked up my favorite book and began to read.  As I read the words of the scripture posted above, I knew it was only the wind of God and the light of Christ I felt and saw.  It was if the Lord was wrapping me in the warmth and security of His arms, giving me the exact comfort and assurance I so desperately needed.  My present help in trouble met me at my very point of need.

I heard my Father so sweetly whispering to me:

"My child, my sweet daughter, you are mine.  I know the waters you tread right now are deep, but I'm right there with you, holding your hand.  The river you wade is extremely difficult, and it's taking all of your strength, but I promise I won't let you drown.  The fire, I know it's hot and unbearable, but the heat will only refine you; I won't allow the flames to consume you.  I am your God; your Father; your Savior, and you are so precious to me. I love you too much to allow anything to destroy you."

In that moment, through the pain, I worshiped my Savior for coming to my rescue and assuring me that even in the numbing pain of child loss, He was yet with me and would see me through, because I am precious to Him and He loves me.

Though it has not magically erased the pain I feel deep inside, I am confident that, as much as losing my baby has broken me and shattered my heart into a billion pieces, my loving, compassionate, caring, faithful Father will hold me up, restore me, and heal me in every place that I hurt.

The same is true for you.  No matter how tough or painful your current season may be, find comfort and assurance in God's word - He is with you; you will not drown; you will not be burned up; you will not be consumed.  Our Father, your Savior who loves you so dearly and deeply, will make sure of that.

Don't be afraid to go through whatever it is the Lord allows to come your way.  He's got you, and you've got what it takes to make it.

I'll leave you with what David said in Psalm 23:4, "Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me."

Hallelujah!  Praise God for the comfort and assurance we find in His Holy Word.

Love & Hugs,

LaKeisha Rainey-Collins

Your Life Is No Mistake

Sometimes the pain is too hard to bear

And the burdens are so heavy I can barely stand tall

My faith doesn't seem to move these mountains

Nothing appears to help at all

I don't know why I bother

I'm sure this is as good as life gets

I must be crazy to believe

That I deserve anything better than this

My mother says I was a mistake

My father never loved me enough to show his face

I have no one to call a friend

I wonder why I was ever born into this place

My life serves no purpose

Nothing about it makes sense

I feel like I'm just taking up space

My existence, to me, is nothing but suspense

Why did God put me here

In this dark, empty world of mine

Why would He make me suffer

Searching for acceptance and purpose I can never seem to find

God if you hear me

Please tell me why

Why would you give me life

When all I feel is death inside

My child, I hear you

I hear you loud and clear

I am perfect in all that I do

It's by no mistake that you are here

Before I formed you in your mother's womb

I knew everything about you

I loved you and chose you to be my own

And I gave you purpose too

It doesn't matter what your mother says

Or what your father failed to do

I love you with an everlasting love

And I will never forsake you

Despite what you see of your life right now

My plans for you are good

I have hope and a future for you

My child, you've misunderstood

See, you were created on purpose

In me, nothing is happenstance

I will show you who I designed you to be

If only you'd give me a chance

In me is where you find life

For I am The Living Well

If you lose yourself completely in me

Oh what a testimony you'll soon tell

Your best days are still ahead

Don't you give up your life

Keep your eyes focused on me

And sunshine will fill even your darkest nights

Give me the shattered pieces of your life

And I will restore it fully  unto thee

For I am The Master Potter

And you, My child, are my masterpiece

Perfectly created

Loved unconditionally

Accepted completely

A mistake, by no means.

~LaKeisha Rainey-Collins~
Copyright 2012

Endure the Process

Last week, my husband Jeremy and I received some really exciting news.  We are expecting our fourth little blessing, predicted to arrive at the onset of Spring 2013.  We adore our three sons, so adding another sweet pea to the bunch has our hearts overjoyed.

I am already head over heels for the precious little life growing inside of me; however, in all of my exuberance, there’s one thing that I am not so thrilled about – morning sickness.  Well, in my case, morning, afternoon, and evening sickness.  It never ends.  Although I know it will soon subside, and a beautiful blessing will come at the end of it all, it’s the one unpleasant part of the process I wish I could skip altogether.  But I can’t, so I may as well embrace it, right?

I remember feeling that same way while enduring the tough process of allowing the Lord to transform my life.  There were some tears I wished I didn’t have to cry; some friends I wished I didn’t have to lose;  some struggles I wished I didn’t have to go through; and some mental battles I wished I didn’t have to fight.  But you know what?  No matter how much I resented what I had to face in order to be groomed and developed into who the Lord destined me to be, I understood that there was no way to avoid the breaking, pruning, purging, and refining process.  If I wanted the blessing of new life awaiting me on the other side of my unwelcomed circumstances, I knew I had to go through it all.

Though it may not have felt good at the time, it has all turned out for my good.  Every unpleasant situation I had to face has been essential to me becoming the healed, whole, happy woman I am today.

Click here to read the  full post.