Today, I've been in a fight with my feelings. There's a lot on my mind, and heaviness has been hovering over me ever since I woke up this morning. Initially I just assumed that it was because my 95 year old grandmother has been in a semi-coma for a few days, and we aren't sure if she'll pull through. But that's not it. I'm at peace about that, because I know that she's in God's hands.
Still this heaviness won't go away, and the tears that keep filling my eyes won't dry up. Lord, what's wrong with me? I keep asking, but no answer. My feelings are telling me to ball up in my bed, and pull the covers over my head until whatever this is passes. On the other hand, my spirit is telling me to reach down into my soul and pull out some of that uncircumstantial joy that resides on the inside. So what do I choose to do? Although it would be much easier to just succumb to my feelings, I choose the latter. Sure enough, I could probably just use a tight hug, venting session, or a hearty laugh, but for now, I'll allow the joy of the Lord to be my strength.
I may be in a battle with my feelings today, but I refuse to allow them to win. I have learned to control my feelings - most of the time - instead of being controlled by them.
Emotions change from moment to moment, and if you allow yourself to be governed by them you will always find yourself on a rollercoaster full of high peaks and pit falls. I've been there and done that; it's unstabling and causes you to feel double-minded. That's no way to go through life, or even through the day.
Though I may be unsure of my feelings today, I am sure of this - The joy that I have on the inside is not contingent upon external circumstances. You should be sure of that too. Wrap yourself in His joy!
"This is a sacred day before our Lord. Don’t be dejected and sad, for the joy of the LORD is your strength!” ~Nehemiah 8:10b NLT~